ICE Announces ‘De-Thaw Initiative’ to Begin on April 1

U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) announced a new “De-Thaw Initiative,” just in time for spring 2018, to implement the President’s recent tweet: “Contrary to what’s been reported in the Fake News Media, I call for Doing Everything With Love! All of my previous tweets have been Misconstrued & taken out of Context. If people would pay attention, they would Learn. Sad!”

Under De-Thaw, ICE plans to:

  • De-deport those recently deported;
  • Encourage them to return;
  • Take in more refugees and asylees;
  • Humanely treat family members;
  • Always treat people with courtesy and respect; and
  • Wish the world could be a kinder place.

ICE spokesperson Gloomy Gus said the agency got the idea from all the snow falling along the East Coast as spring begins, when thawing would normally be expected. “Since our administration is unexpected in so many ways, we decided to celebrate spring by doing something that’s not on the schedule, shaking things up a bit and surprising all the liberal snowflakes,” he said. Mr. Gus added, “Happy April Fool’s Day!”

2018-04-03T19:13:27+00:00 April 3rd, 2018|